And the Lord said, "Ask about her sex life."
Enfin! Some comic relief brought to you by P-Rob himself (God's gift to liberals...literally!). Behold, sinners! Pat Robertson's interview with Rita Braver (CBS News Sunday Morning, April 9). I've taken the --ahem--liberty of highlighting the naughty bits:
RB:You know you-- you talk about-- a couple very specific cases in the book that--Go watch/read the whole interview here :) Hat tip to Rachel Maddow.
RB: --you say you were personally involved in. You tell the story of-- being on a trip to the Holy Land, and some people coming to you and asking you if you can help a woman with severe asthma.
PR: That's right.
RB: And you say-- that God spoke to you and--
RB: --told you--
PR: --well it wudn't (PH) quite that way. Well-- well anyhow, they thought she was demon possessed. And these women are in the conference, and they said, "Go cast demons out of her." And I ignored it and ate dinner and went on to the meeting.
And then the next night, they had moved this poor woman out of the hotel. She was crying out for mercy and saying, "Oh God, help me," because she had such bad asthma. So-- I had to go see her. But fortunately I had my wife with her, so we went to another hotel-- in the heart of Jerusalem and knocked on the door.
And here, this haunting woman, she looked like-- she really looked like she was terrified-- very attractive-- striking brunette, 45 years old, you know thin, 5'8" kinda thing. And-- she had this look in her eyes. And-- so I went in, and my wife was with me. And they took the two chairs and I sat on the bed.
And I said, "Tell me about your problem." And she said, "I've got this asthma." And I said, "Have you been to the (LAUGHTER) doctor?" And-- and she said, "Yes. The doctor said my asthma was caused by praying with nuns." And I said, (LAUGHTER) "A doctor?"
RB:--that sounds like-- (LAUGHTER) you should've advised her, "Maybe go see another doctor."
PR:There was-- (LAUGHTER) well see-- the-- "A doctor told you this?" (UNINTEL) said, "Yes, that's what my doctor told me." And I says, "There is no way that praying with nuns is gonna cause you-- asthma." And then I prayed. And I said, "Lord, what's wrong with her?" I just prayed silently. And the Lord said, "Ask about her sex life." And--
RB:The-- the Lord said that to you?
PR:Yes, He said that to me. And I said, "There's no way I'm going to ask a strange woman about her sex life." So I said-- (COUGHS) "Excuse me for-- being personal, but would you tell me about your marriage."
She said, "Oh, I have a wonderful marriage." I said, "You do?" She (UNINTEL PHRASE), "A wonderful husband, wonderful marriage. It's just absolutely marvelous." I said, "You do?" She said, "Yes." So I prayed again. (LAUGHTER) I said, "Lord, what's the matter?" And she-- He said, "Ask her about her sex life."
RB:I-- it's hard to imagine the Lord--
RB:--saying this to you--
PR:--the Lord say-- well He did. And I-- and I said-- "You know, please forgive me if I'm being personal, but tell me about your sex life." And she said, "I don't have any." And I said, "Well, I thought you had a wonderful marriage." And she said-- "I do, but I don't have any sex life."
And I said, "How long has that been going on?" And she said, "Two years." And I said-- "And that's when your asthma started, isn't it?" And she said, "Yes." And I said, "Well it's obvious that you're blaming yourself-- for this condition. What's the problem?" And she said, "My husband's impotent."
And I said, "You think it's your fault." And she said, "Yes. It's-- I think it's my fault." And I said, "Well it isn't your fault. And it may be that he's working too hard. He may be having a physical impairment. But-- there's something in his life, that this isn't your fault." And she said, "It's not?"
I said, "Absolutely not." And I said, "Okay, now let's pray for your asthma. And she said, "Okay." And we prayed. And God healed her asthma just like that. And--
RB: You-- you know that--
RB: --that's a tough one for people to swallow.[H&O: Oh no she di'int!]
PR: I was there. My wife was the witness. And thank goodness she was there. I never woulda done this otherwise. But that woman went on her ma-- her way rejoicing. And it took maybe max, 10 minutes.
RB: Oh-- (LAUGHTER)
PR: And-- and-- whereas if I was a psychologist, I could've had her on the couch for you know, a year and a half and not gotten to the root of the cause. Or if these women thought she was demon possessed, and the doctor says she's got asthma 'cause she prays with nuns. They were all wrong. (LAUGHTER) But the Lord knew what her problem was. He's (UNINTEL PHRASE) about even the most intimate details of our lives. And I think that's what's so very important.