Said the man on the Titanic: You usin' that deck chair?

You could be forgiven for being confused by Bush's latest series of appointments. It's been a dizzying few weeks at the Executive business card shoppe:

'Wait...I thought he resigned?'
'You mean there's still no Deputy at State? I thought National Intel was looking for a Deputy. What do you mean they both are?!
Marge! Stop the presses! We're gonna have to do another batch in Premium Matte!'

Yup, it's been pretty krazee. There's been so many holes in the Dept. State, you'd think they didn't even care about diplomacy anymore. That, or Condi Rice truly is the superhero Bush fancies her to be and we've all gone & misunderestimated her agin. As for the super-spy-centre ('scuse me, "center"), there are now two holes to fill at DNI. Just so's we're clear:

• The #2 position at State became vacant in July 2006, when Robert Zoellick resigned to take a post at Goldman Sachs.

• Negroponte takes the Deputy Sec. State position and passes the baton of DNI to Vice Adm. Mike McConnell. McConnell's a story all unto himself, that lad. Larisa tells us that Cheney wanted Negroponte out of DNI because he wasn't thirsty enough for Iran. McConnell's a crony of Cheney/Rumsfeld and he'll make the perfect toady in his new digs. Bonus marks:

McConnell’s background is in surveillance programs, dating to when he served during the Gulf War as Director of the National Military Joint Intelligence Center, followed by a term as Director of the National Security Agency. After leaving government service in 1996, McConnell became a vice president at Booz Allen Hamilton, a major defense contractor.
[...] McConnell’s unique banking intelligence experience aligns with a major facet of President Bush’s international banking surveillance efforts.
In June 2006, The New York Times [Lichthblau and Risen] revealed that the CIA had been given authority by the Bush administration to mine the banking records of suspected "Al Qaeda' members using the Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication (SWIFT).
[...] "The records mostly involve wire transfers and other methods of moving money overseas and into and out of the United States." The CIA and Treasury Departments both said they had instituted safeguards for protecting privacy by hiring an "outside auditor" to provide a check against civil rights violations. The company auditing the SWIFT program is Booz Allen Hamilton. In September 2006, Privacy International and the American Civil Liberties Union issued a joint statement describing why Booz Allen Hamilton was not a genuine "check" on the SWIFT program.

• Ok, so that takes care of #1 at DNI (literally: lookin out for #1). What about #2? The Deputy DNI spot's been growing cobwebs ever since Gen. Michael "gee, your wiretapped conversations are rivetting" Hayden left in May 2006. Ideal candidates should have pleasant phone demeanour, experience in MS Snitch (Vista, only; no XP), and proficiency with tea kettles.

• This brings me to the United Nations Ambassadorship. Bush has had at least an inkling of John Bolton's doomed prospects as Amb. to the U.N. since Summer 2005. And yet he is only now floating Zalmay Khalilzad (Amb. to Iraq) as Bolton's replacement?! Please. Didn't anyone ever teach Dubya how to remove bandaids?

• Former Wolfowitz protoge & ChevronTexaco/Unocal consultant [....deep breath....] Zalmay Khalilzad is going to be replaced by Ryan C. Crocker (Amb. to Pakistan). Well, I'm not sure the good people of Pakistan will miss Amb. Crocker {Dawn, Dec 18, 2005}:

On Dec 12, US Ambassador Ryan C Crocker was quoted as telling senior journalists in Islamabad that “his country wanted a sustainable and instutionalized democracy in Pakistan, but clarified he was not talking about the kind of a democracy [that] Pakistan had in the last decade.” The US envoy had also reportedly said that “the return to such governance would not be fulfilling that requirement”.
According to Mr Crocker, civilian governments had been unsuccessful in achieving the objective of stable governance. At the same time, he lavished praise on Gen Pervez Musharraf’s steps to establish democracy in the country, saying: “Gen Musharraf had outlined the vision of a sustainable, stable and true democracy in Pakistan” and that he believed in him.

Nice, huh? Amb. Crocker is just the man for Iraq! Bring'm on! (*cough* well...maybe not).

As for the rest of the Dubya Express...well, keep your eyes peeled for more sneaky-resignations (like this guy) or advertisements for open-posts. Remember: you don't have to be a war profiteer, a death-squad-denier, or good with spyin' on the neighbours. But it sure would help us out a spell, y'hear?