Monday, August 06, 2007

Part 9: "Families, bombs, and a backpack full o' democracy"

Welcome to the ninth and FINAL installment of my not-so-live blogging of the Iowa GOP debate. You can still access the rest of the series, if you arrived here out of sequence :) can watch the whole Konservative Krying Game for yourself at the site. Aside from Stephanopoulos, the cast of characters included: Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan; former Wisconsin Gov. Tommy Thompson; Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.; former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani; former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney; former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee; Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas; and Rep Tom Tancredo, R-Colo.
(Missing and presumed sleepy: former Sen. Fred Thompson, R-Tenn)

Families, bombs, and a backpack full o' democracy

(General Question: Stephanopoulos plays a clip dated August 14, 1999, in which Dubya promised to restore the "honor and dignity" of the office. What would you restore to the office?)

TANCREDO: "Hope. We have made a number of mistakes…we can no longer afford political correctness" (huh?) He then vowed to start braggin' about 'Merica again, to tell the world that "there is something not just good but great" about the USA. (Tony the Tiger could not be reached for comment)
T. THOMPSON: He would "open up the East Wing" and bring in the "best minds, Democrat, Republican or Independent" and…do what, exactly? Play some RISK ? Hungry, Hungry Hippos? Thompson just kinda trailed off there.
BROWNBACK: He wants to begin "rebuilding family" and laments the number of "out of wedlock" families. He wants you to know that he "stands for life," and that he will appoint the next Sup. Crt. Justice to "overthrow Roe v. Wade" (creepy amounts of audience cheering, unfortunately)
MCCAIN: He wants you to know (yes, again) that he is "fully prepared…to fight the transcendent challenge…the struggle against violent Islamic extremism"
GIULIANI: Would "restore hope" (hey! Rudy's cribbin' from Tancredoland!). Rudy goes on to claim that "none of the Democrats" have ever run an executive office (what is Bill Richardson, then?)
ROMNEY: Vows to "strengthen America's military," add "more troops," (Geddit? "Romney Strong"). He will also "strengthen the economy" and "strengthen families."
HUCKABEE: Tells an anecdote from his days as Gov. Arkansas, when he had a picture in his office with "Our Boss" inscribed in the frame. Huckabee would rotate pictures of "ordinary" Arkansans through the frame, so that he would "never forget who the boss really, really is." (C''s Rove, right? It's ok…you can speak freely here)
PAUL: Vowed to restore "openness" and "transparent government."
HUNTER: Would restore "economic patriotism." Feels that Americans, during WWII, "rode to victory on an arsenal of democracy" (did he just cuss?) Further, Hunter vowed to stop "China from cheating on trade" and would "elevate the family" (you better hurry…Romney's just threatened to "come down on life"!)

You know, I never realized how many ways there were to pander. Evidently there are many, many ways. Family, terrorism, life, and democracy. Free market. Grow the economy. Hey, I think I've got the hang of it! I can has GOP nomnashun?

Woohoo! We made it. We traversed the entire 90 min Loonytoons debate in...well, ok, it took a long time.

Return to the Introduction/Part 1..."Sex, Guns & the Return of Karen Hughes"


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