That shit is disrespectful :)

Who said we're better than monkeys, eh? Last Wednesday, D.C. Capitol Hill police discovered three "piles" of excrement in the Senate-side of the building. I shit you not, folks. Roll Call reported:

Reports also circulated that the yucky stuff had been smeared on seats in the gallery overlooking the chamber floor, and the gallery remained closed hours after the incident was first noted.

So who was responsible for this desecration of the world's most...um...deliberative...body?

Sources familiar with Capitol maintenance speculated it was “an unfortunate incident involving a child,” although they have no culprit and very little detail about how it transpired.

Sure. Blame it on the kids. It worked so well during the Marc Foley scandal.

The section of hallway was still closed as of late Wednesday and officials will engage in an “intense cleaning” of the section following Senate business Wednesday night, the sources said.

*snort* Senate "business" *snort*

Of course, this being D.C., nobody's really buying the "single shooter" theory:

Witnesses said they couldn’t believe that a single culprit could have produced the volume of poo present or that a person could have, well, deposited it the normal way without attracting attention. Several witnesses speculated it had been brought in from elsewhere.

A-Ha! A vote by proxy!

“There was so much of it, there was just no way it came from a little kid or even that one person had done it,” said one staffer who witnessed the stinky scene.

What is this, CSI D.C.? For now, I guess we'll just have to take their poop-calibration on faith. In the meantime, the DCist has profferred some good theories of his/her own. Draw your own conclusions.

With respect to dealing with future violators, may I humbly suggest a few "Passive Aggressive Notes," like this beaut'? You can table your suggestions at the start of "business" next Tuesday.

Adjourned :)

h/t Hegemo and Zézette for the Passive Aggressive notes

ETA: link to the original Roll Call article. It's behind a subscription wall. "Cordoned-off," if you will :)